3:16am
by FatemahJanelle
Summary: All the anxiety, and fear was clouding up my mind for too long. I just wanted to end it. These are some of the thoughts going through Sander's head as his depression creeps up on him. On the outside, he acts as if everything is fine, but when he gets alone, that's when the depression takes over his mind. Can Caitlyn save Sander from himself before he takes his own life?(Triggering)


I check the clock for the final time, and it reads 3:16 am. As I looked out the window I took a deep breath, I wondered how much more of this I could take. All the anxiety, and fear was clouding up my mind for too long. I just wanted to end it. I wanted to end everything. Life is becoming too much of a hassle, no one cares. My friends, they're amazing people but, I don't even think they get it anymore. The walls are closing in on me and I can't believe this. It's _the _only way out, it's _my _only way out. I thought I was so strong, but I realized, I'm not.

The thoughts were killing me. I peered into the bathroom and saw the pill bottles lying there. It was my escape, I would fall into a lovely sleep and forget everything. I would be gone, and honestly, I don't think anyone would even miss me. There would be no more dancing, no more Sander Loya, and to be quite honest with you, I think the world would be better off without me. Barron doesn't care, Brown doesn't care, no one does.

Everyone could careless about me at this point, except for Caitlyn. Caitlyn cared, hell, I don't know if she still cares. She was the only person who could save me from myself. She loved me, as a friend, I think sometimes more than a friend. She was my motivation, but now, she won't even give me the time of day. I lurked into the bathroom, and looked at myself in the mirror. I was disgusting, nothing, worthless. I was the epitome of a lost cause. I closed my eyes, and gripped my hands around the half full pill bottle. It was about time I let everything go.

"Sander?" A voice called out. "Sander, are you here?"

I said nothing.

"Sander, I know you're home. Barron told me to come check on you."

I knew that voice, It was Caitlyn.

"Sander, answer me." I heard her footsteps coming closer.

I quickly opened the bottle and spilled its contents onto the bathroom counter.

"Stop."

I looked over to the door and saw Caitlyn standing there. I knew she was disappointed in me. I couldn't help but begin to cry.

"You're stronger than this Sander, you know you are, I know you are." Her words were quiet, and comforting.

"No i'm not." I fought back. "You know i'm not Caitlyn. I'm weak, I'm nothing."

"Stop saying that." Caitlyn stepped toward me.

"No!" I yelled. "You know it's true! You lied to me Caitlyn, you **fucking **lied! You filled my head with all this **bullshit**! You said it would get better, it got **worse**."

"I didn't lie to you Sander." Her voice was shaky. "I didn't lie at all, I told you it was going to get better, because it is. You're taking the easy way out. Taking your own life is dangerous, you don't want to do that. I'll miss you."

"I'm sure you will, for a few days, then afterwards life will go on without me, you know it! Life went on for Mitchie, Nate, Jason, and Shane! They don't give a damn about me anymore! It's like we were never friends! You don't understand Caitlyn, I want to **die**." I argued.

"Sander," Mikey sighed. "Don't you dare leave me, don't you dare take your life. I love you, I love you Sander. I don't want to lose you, **ever**. You're scaring me with this. You're strong, I know you can get past this. I know you can."

"NO, I **CAN'T**!" I screamed, scattering the pills everywhere. "I can't do it Cait, look at me, I'm a mess."

I pulled off my shirt and sat on the bathroom floor, letting tears spill down my face. I could feel her judging me. I ran my hand down my chest, feeling all the bumps and curves on my chest. It was practically ripped open. So many cuts, scars, bruises, every one triggered by a different word. Gay, Ugly, Idiot, they were all there. Caitlyn's lips quivered and I watched as she ran to hold me close. She wrapped her arms around and held me tight. Her grip got tighter as I buried my face into her arms and began bawling.

Caitlyn squeezed me tighter, and began crying herself. I didn't know this was hurting her. I couldn't control myself, It was like something had taken over me. I pulled away from Caitlyn and lifted his face. Her eyes were puffy, and red. Tears were continuously falling down her face, and I couldn't help but cry as well.

Caitlyn cupped my face, and sighed through her tears.

"Don't leave me, please." She continued crying. "Sander please, I'm begging you, don't leave me. I **need **you."

Caitlyn pulled my face close and laid a soft kiss on my lips.

"I don't know Caitlyn, It all just creeps up on me, it's scary.."

Caitlyn caressed my cheek with her thumb and then ran her hand down my chest.

"Just please," She begged. "Please stop hurting yourself."

A few more tears fall off Caitlyn's cheeks.

"I'll try, for you Caitlyn, only for you."


End file.
